No Grumbling, No Questioning

Tomorrow will be my first day of work. I'm more curious than excited about it even if I've had a one-day job immersion 2 weeks ago. I'm more excited to share the Gospel to my officemates than I am about the job. If there was anything that made me finally accept the post, it is knowing that I am called to share the Word even in my workplace.

Truthfully, this wasn't the job I wanted - environment and sustainable development ranks low in my preference. I wanted to get into a research job, more specifically, one on international relations. But of course, God knows better and my faith in Him has allowed me to accept this with less grumbling and questioning than usual.

In the two weeks I was given to decide whether to take this post or not, I truly sought His guidance. I was prepared to junk it after weighing its merits and demerits; one point I had to contend with was that compensation is a bit lower than I expected, considering that it is an item in USAID (US Agency for International Development). I'd be lying if I say I did not want to earn more than what I was given for allowance when I was still in college, but God spoke and told me that it is not just the point of working.

Working is a vocation. Working is more than tryng to earn big bucks or a name for yourself in the field you've chosen. Working, more than anything, like any aspect of your life, is allowing yourself to be used by God to reach out to other people. (Doing this workbook by Henry Blackaby has really been helpful in knowing what God's plans for me are.)

I expected something else, but faith urges obedience and so even if it was a little far from what I prefer, I prayed hard for guidance. God was just so faithful in speaking to me when I was discerning about it. He led me to several chapters in Numbers which spoke of the Israelites constantly complaining to Moses about being in the desert God led them to be. They were too short-sighted; they had little faith; they just could not trust that God will keep His promises especially that of giving them the promised land.

I saw myself in them - in their inability to give God "unreserved" trust. More so, I was convicted when I read Moses complaint about the Israelites to God, about his inadequancies as the leader of His chosen people and what not. I did not expect such from Moses himself - one who already had so much faith in God. And yet, he still did question, complain and grumble.

It was something completely opposite Caleb's faith, trust and confidence in God.

I was particularly struck by God's reaction to these complaints. Disappointed, yes. But more than that, I realised that He was also hurt. Althroughout the journey, He has provided food, water, clothing, etc. for the Israelites, but at the slightest discomfort, they immediately forgot what He has done for them. I realised that many times, I've also hurt God with this kind of attitude. I realised that when I grumble, when I complain, it is not merely an act to vent out frustration but actually a little manifestation of my inability to give unreserved trust. It means that I am questioning the wisdom of the One who is all-knowing.

I am thankful however for having realised this soon enough. I know I need to give my unreserved faith and trust in the Lord. I am thankful too for the many things I've learned the past months of preparation. I know the Lord has prepared me for this.

Philippians 2:14- Do everything without grumbling or questioning